I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
