your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
