I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
