are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
