apparently the secret to your success is patron
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
