in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
