she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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