Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
