Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
