I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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