you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
