He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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