Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.

(352): View more from Florida

Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung

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(650): View more from California

Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.

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(727): View more from Florida

and she was petting her beer can

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.

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(760): View more from California

can you blow me for old times sake

(951): View more from California

only for old times sake

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(614): View more from Ohio

We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.

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