You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
