Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
