We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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