i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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