theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
