is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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