Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
