1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she told me i tasted like america
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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