I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
