Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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