Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
