I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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