i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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