Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
