remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
