i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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