I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
