i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
