Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
