I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
