wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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