His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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