Small penises have feelings too.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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