Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
