Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
