he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
