Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wish I only lived at night.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
