Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there's paper in my vomit.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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