i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
