I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
