I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
