Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
