It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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