my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
