Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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