So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
