i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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