just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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