I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
